Reflections

I've spent a lot of time reflecting recently as I've had the opportunity to share what has been growing over the last year and a half. As I look back, I see the hand of God leading, working, comforting, healing. I see His faithfulness. I see His mercy. I see His goodness. I see His unconditional love. Even when I fall short...especially when I fall short - He, in all His gentleness, reminds me that in all my weakness His glory shines. Because, at the end of the day, it is not about me. It's all about Him.

I have been able to share stories like the time when I cried out in desperation, so uncertain of what step to take next, unsure of how it could ever get better, "Are you here, God? Do you see me? Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief..." And, within hours, He showed me that He answered my prayers before I even knew that I needed to pray them. Kind of like Zacchaeus and the tree that was planted long before he needed to see Jesus.

Stories like the time He challenged me to be generous with what He has given me and trust that He will continue to provide. Wait, listen, respond. And watch how He uses people to answer my prayers and uses me to answer the prayers of others and uses them to answer the desperate cries of even more people. Sometimes I feel like a very tiny drop in a vast ocean...how does anything I do make a difference? And then I remember how He works. On my own...I am but a drop. But in His ever-capable hands, this drop creates a ripple effect. Because again, it's not about me. He doesn't call me to be the ocean. He just asks me to be faithful. He asks me to respond. He does the rest.

And let me tell you about all the nights I lay in bed with the overwhelming feeling that I am not enough. This thing we're doing here is so much bigger than I am. I will (not might...) fall on my face. And He kindly whispers to my soul - "Oh Angela...it is not up to you to carry all of this alone. I am only asking you to take the next step. I am the One who sustains". When I look around me, I see all the beautifully gifted people He has brought to this ministry and my life. People who fill in all the gaps. Who shine in ways that I don't. He once again answered my prayers before I knew to pray them.

So here we all are...trying to walk in obedience. Planting seeds of Hope. Watering them with the Love of Jesus. Speaking Light and Life over them. Watching with great anticipation - the roots grow deeper, the strong and steady stems provide nourishment, the flowers bloom and reach towards the sun, and the fruit...well, that comes, sweet and fulfilling, from abiding in the Vine...

"I am the vine; you are the branches.

Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit,

for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5